Learning to Love Your Body After Having Kids
My Journey with Body Image and Motherhood
I've long struggled with an eating disorder, as many women unfortunately do. Periods of extreme restriction, food obsession, and over-exercising all in attempts to control my body.
In many ways, since having kids, I’ve learned to love my body more than ever before, appreciating what it’s done to create, birth, nourish, and care for my children. Yet, there are still many days when I struggle to look at myself in the mirror. I rip clothes off in frustration, embarrassed to be exposed at the pool or in the bedroom.
The Struggle with Postpartum Body Image
So much of my body feels unrecognizable. With age, I can’t do what I used to do to get “results.” I don’t have hours to spend at the gym, and I try hard not to set an example of starvation in front of my kids. I don’t want to take years off my life trying to look a certain way, whether because of the hours of commitment it would require or the impact on my health, but loving my body after kids has been hard and I know I’m not alone in this.
My clients share similar stories—feeling like strangers in their own bodies, resenting their husbands because not much changed for them, feeling damaged, or even disgusted. Clients who share they’ve tried to “love” their bodies but the only way they know how is by following fad diets. Their example - watching their own mothers hate and control their bodies.
Why Loving Your Body Doesn’t Mean Always Liking It
Like you, I don’t want my kids to feel the same way about themselves as I have about myself. I want them to see how amazing and beautiful they are, regardless of their pant size. I can’t do that if I’m not leading by example.
Loving my body doesn’t mean I always like it, but it does mean finding ways to treat her gently, even on the hard days. Our bodies have changed, and with that change comes grief. It’s okay to miss your old body, to not like your new body, to struggle and be angry—it doesn’t mean you love your kids any less, you’re not a doomed case, and it especially doesn’t mean you need to reach for the next fad diet.
Tips for Healing Your Relationship with Your Body
1. Recognize the Deeper Struggles: The struggles with your body often aren’t about your body—they’re deeper than that. Insecurity, doubt, powerlessness, and overwhelm can all manifest as dissatisfaction with your appearance. Your body becomes the target of these feelings because it feels easier to control you than it is to surrender.
2. Transform the Way You Talk to Your Body: Start speaking to your body as you would to a friend. You don’t always agree with your friends, but you still show them love and respect. Be mindful of how your words impact your feelings and actions.
3. Take Space and Extend Love: Even on the days when you don’t feel like it, take care of your body. You won’t move any closer to loving your body by treating it unkindly or depriving her of basic needs.
Next Steps
You don’t have to fully love your body—I’m still working on loving mine. But it’s a process, not an event, and there’s no one stopping place.
If you’re struggling with your body image after having kids, know that you’re not alone. Working together with support can make the process faster and more effective - fill out an application here. Let’s find ways to help you treat your body with the kindness it deserves and create generational confidence.
