How to Start Your Day Feeling Calm, Confident, and Present: Tips for Anxious Moms Short on Time
The Challenge of Morning Routines in Motherhood
Especially in the thick of newborn days, I found it really hard to wake up early. I never knew what my night would bring and it actually would leave me with a sense of dread and defeat before the next day had even begun.
Would the baby sleep?
Would I be up nursing all night?
If I do wake up early, will I even have time before I’m interrupted?
What’s the point?
Still, even with 3 kids 3 and under, I found it important to take the time in the morning, no matter how little or much time I actually got.
When Your Morning Routine Feels Stale
Yet here recently I have felt like my morning routine wasn’t cutting it. The things I was doing to take care of myself were falling short; they lost their effect. It was frustrating to me that here I was doing all the seemingly right things and yet, they still weren’t enough.
Maybe you relate. That is if you’re making time at all, which let’s be honest, you’re probably not for some reason or another. You’re ridden with guilt, you don’t have support, you’re too busy, etc.
I’m not saying that to make you feel guilty but as a gentle nudge and permission to remind you that you deserve to take time for yourself. It doesn’t have to look a certain way and there won’t be a perfect time when all the stars align; you’re going to need to do it messy and eventually reap the benefit.
That being said, maybe you are one of those moms who recognize the importance of taking time out of your day to prioritize yourself. I truly applaud you because as simple as it may sound, it’s no easy feat and I get that. But if you’re like me, and your go-to’s are losing their luster, I want to talk about why, what to do about it, and challenge you to revamp your routine (or maybe add one when you see how simple it can be).
Why Your Go-To Strategies Aren’t Working
I’m speaking from experience here. I had to get honest with myself and really look at what wasn’t working - where was the disconnect that was leaving me disappointed and no longer riding the self-care high. I invite you to do the same. Make note of any of the following that connect for you.
Inconsistency: Some days you’re all in- going hard with your journaling, meditation, work out (almost like you have something to prove)…and other days you can barely muster the energy to get off the couch to shower. Life definitely requires flexibility, but this is more of an all or nothing. Just because you didn’t start the day off with a few yoga stretches doesn’t mean to scrap it and wait until tomorrow or next week.
I noticed this most when I would snooze my morning alarm. I’d be angry at myself for sleeping in, not getting ahead of the kids which would mean starting my day with demands. It felt like I’d failed and what’s the point?
Lack of Intention: Treating your habits like items on a checklist - as “have to” instead of something you “get to” do. You roll through the motions on autopilot just to get it done.
For me, I was doing the things I was supposed to be doing only because they were on my to-do list. I wasn’t really engaged and there were times that I was so stuck on autopilot I couldn’t even remember if or what I had done.
Rushing: Similarly, the day to day can feel like a race to the finish, bouncing from one thing to the next. The never-ending checklist can leave you a little distracted from what you’re doing at the moment and wishing that it would just be over so you could get on to the next thing.
I was notorious with my workouts skipping the rest breaks and fast-forwarding through demos. Anything to go faster because anything that took time was an inconvenience.
Distractions: Emails, Instagram, texts your phone can be a major culprit for pulling you away from the practices that are meant to be helpful.
I’m guilty. Anytime a notification would pop across my screen - it felt like it needed an instant response regardless of what it was or what I was doing.
Putting Yourself Last: Your kids come first, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but by mid-day when you’re snappy and short it’s pretty obvious that your needs aren’t getting met as much as you consider theirs.
Especially when my kids were a bit younger, as soon as one of them was out of bed I’d consider the whole routine and even the day as a wash. Or if I did carve out some time, like I’m actually doing right now, I’d feel the guilt that I should be taking advantage of my time with them (there’s never winning is there?)
In case it wasn’t clear, what this list boils down to is the how is more important than the what. You can be doing all the right things and it still will fall short if your head isn’t in it. You need to own the fact that time for you is important and sets you up for calm, confidence, and greater connection throughout the rest of your day, regardless of when and what you do.
The Morning Matters, but More Important You Matter
8 or 9 every night even before kids (there are times when my grandma is up later than I am). So the mornings work for me. Not to mention, like most of the moms I work with a morning routine sets the tone for the rest of the day.
Who really wants to start their day on the go or with endless demands?
But if you’re not a morning person, if you dread waking up or require more sleep or you’re in a phase where mornings are just not feasible, then find a time that works for you. In the end that’s what matters most. The practices I suggest can be done at any part of the day - in fact do them throughout your day as miniature check-ins, whatever is manageable for you.
Morning Routines for Moms: Practical and Impactful Practices
While I mentioned that intention really is everything, there are a lot of moms out there that feel that they have lost themselves, don’t know what they enjoy, and have no idea of where to even get started. It seems like every guru and her sister has a magic fix for making you feel better or what you should be doing. I’m not hoping to add to that, but instead offer suggestions that I personally use and use with my clients. Take them or leave them. Alter them if you like.
Gratitude: Create a running list in your phone, a Google Doc, or a journal of 3-10 things you are grateful for. I like the added challenge of narrowing it to that day specifically or even taking something that was less than ideal and finding the good.
Example: 1) Sitting in traffic because I got 30 extra minutes of my favorite podcast, 2) My son not sleeping because we got extra snuggles, 3) Finishing off my coffee creamer before it expires…nothing fancy but when you know you’re looking you’ll find more to be grateful for
Affirmations: Changing the way you talk to yourself is so incredibly powerful. Choose 1 or 2 affirmations each day or week to practice. You may not believe them off the bat because you’ve degraded yourself so long, but keep at it. Start your day with the kind encouragement you share with friends and family.
Some of my favorites: This is temporary. Everything is in perfect time.
Meditation: I like to think of this as quiet, non-judgemental presence because meditation can get such a bad reputation, but the premise is to sit and take notice. I find it helpful to use a guided meditation because my mind can be so easy - it helps me to stay on track and not jump ship when I’m uncomfortable and in a rush. Plus, there’s a defined start and stop.
Suggestions: Insight Timer, Youtube, Peloton, or Spotify
No Phone: For the first 30 minutes to 2 hours try to have phone down; not looking at notifications you missed or mindlessly scrolling. Let the start of your day be yours.
Hint: There are often settings on your phone that can make this easier, so long as you don’t bypass them (definitely not speaking from experience here).
How to Make Your Routine Stick
Maybe you do these things or have done them in the past and just got a little off track. Maybe you’ve never had a routine before because before kids you didn’t get the importance. I get it. Especially with littles at home, it's hard to stick with something. Your schedule is unpredictable and often completely dependent on the little humans. That being said, there are things to be mindful of that can help you to be more successful. We’re not aiming for perfection.
Schedule it: Put a block in your calendar and set alarms on your phone. Treat it like any other appointment that you can’t cancel. If you don’t block the time something else will surely fill it. When you do block the time you’ll see how you still have plenty of time for everything else.
Set Up Your Environment: Have everything you need ready to go. For me that means: my socks and shoes are on the treadmill, my devotionals are marked and on my standing desk, I have my workouts and meditations scheduled in my Peloton app.
Communicate What You Need: It’s hard to ask for help. You’re independent and are used to taking care of everyone else. I can relate…and also, no one is a mind reader. Most people are more than happy to help you if you just let them know what you need.
For example: Let your partner know if you plan to have a routine in the morning and see if you can work something out where they get the baby while you do.
Track Progress: You’re probably like me and are a list person, it’s nice to see consistency and have a box to check. Some apps, like Insight Timer and Peloton, will track your streak (exercise, meditation, etc.).
Reflect on Impact: It’s so easy to get focused on goals that we lose sight of how far we’ve come. A lot of the practices we’ve talked about are not instantly gratifying so you’ll need a way to measure the progress to see how well it’s working. Make notes of how you were feeling before and how you’re feeling every couple of weeks.
Get Support: Accountability even for the most independent and driven human can make such a difference. With how often we’re our own worst critics we can also be the one standing in our own way. Support can help you to reframe your self-doubt, make a plan, and make sure you stay consistent. I’m happy to help.
Your Turn: What Will You Try?
What morning practices do you currently do? How are they for you? What do you want to try or how will you shift your routine?
Perfection isn’t the goal and it isn’t necessary to see results. Make a plan and be willing to pivot. I’d love to hear how things are working for you or help you troubleshoot. Send me an email and let me know.
